There was a very good article about the growing trend toward pet memorial services in the Arizona Republic today.  I know there are people out there that think that holding a pet funeral is crazy, but I think it is important to appreciate significant relationships in our lives—especially ones in which we are so unconditionally loved.

In my life, I have experienced deaths of both important people and important pets. The first was the sudden death of my father from a heart attack when I was only 9. In the consuming sadness that followed my Siamese cat, Miryah, became my solace. Later that same year-ironically on what would have been my dad’s 53rd birthday-the Chief of Police hit my beloved Miryah with his police vehicle and left her dead in the gutter. In my experience, the difference between these two sudden deaths was just a matter of degrees. There was more chaos for a longer period of time after I lost my dad, but the deep sorrow and stages of grief-the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance-were very much the same. The real difference was in how other people saw these losses. The more people discounted Miryah as “just a cat,” the more my grief and pain were exacerbated by feelings of isolation and loneliness.

As a parent of my own family now, I want to handle our grief differently and this is the central reason why I wrote my book about Max. I wanted to give healthy expression to my family’s loss by celebrating the real significance he had in our lives. Of course, not everyone wants to write a book to channel grief, but here are some tips if you or someone you know has suffered the recent passing of a pet:

TEN TIPS FOR DEALING WITH PET LOSS

1. Plan ahead. When you first bring home that ball of fur, it’s hard to imagine that there will come a day when you have to say goodbye. The reality is pets just don’t live as long as humans, so if you decide ahead of time how you want to handle end of life issues, such as euthanasia, dealing with remains and how to memorialize your pet, it is easier than when you are in the midst of grief and you are being pressed for decisions. It is also important to have advance directives in your will that will ensure your pets are provided for in the event of your untimely death.
2. Tell yourself you’re not crazy. The loss of a relationship that has been a constant and significant part of your life may feel devastating - whether animal or human. After all, this relationship has been a source of comfort and companionship, unconditional love and acceptance, fun and joy. Your intense grief over this loss is normal and natural.
3. Don’t let others tell you you’re crazy. People who do not understand the human/animal bond may say things like, “It’s just a dog (or cat).” The most important thing is to recognize that the loss of a beloved pet is a serious event that society does not always respect. You and your family have a right to your feelings which may include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
4. Seek out support to deal with your loss. You are not alone. Thousands of other pet owners have been in the same position. Veterinarians, pet service professionals or other pet owners can provide the resources and outlets you need to express your feelings.
5. Celebrate your pet’s life. Some people find it helpful to write about their pet, put together a scrapbook or to hold a funeral service to mark the passing of their pet. You can put together your own ceremony or consult a professional pet funeral service. This doesn’t make you a wacko; it gives you healthy expression for your grief.
6. Help your children cope. Every person deals with grief in a different way and at a different pace. You know how much information your children are ready to handle about death and loss of a pet, but don’t underestimate their ability to understand. If you are honest about your own sorrow, it gives children the permission to express their own sadness.
7. Help your other pets with the transition. Pets are very observant and no doubt they will notice the absence of a companion to whom they have grown attached. Give the surviving pets lots of extra attention and love to help them through this period. The love of these survivors will also help you heal.
8. Give yourself time before getting a new pet. There will be no other pet like the one you’ve lost. A new pet should be obtained because you are ready to move forward and build a new relationship, not because you are mourning your loss and trying to fill the gap in your life.
9. Help other people who are faced with the same loss. Join a pet loss support group to help others, help a rescue group with a gift to memorialize your pet or join a forum online to share your experiences.
10. Read a book that helps you laugh, reflect and remember the great things about your pet. Sometimes reading about how other pets have touched people’s lives can validate your feelings.

Remember it is not crazy to grieve the loss of your pet. It’s only crazy not to.

Friday is “Take Your Dog to Work Day” and I just have one thing to say from my unique canine perspective:  only ONE day?

I guess, Krissy and I are lucky because we go to work with Mom and Dad everyday and we have very important jobs.  I am the Chief Wiggler and I head up agency greetings–whether you are the UPS man or a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, you’re sure to get the same enthusiastic attention.  Krissy is the Head of Security and although she is small, nothing gets past her.  Just try to run to the bathroom without giving her a bellyrub and she’ll let you know with a sharp AROOOO-ROOOO!

But beyond our job titles, we perform many other important functions for the staff and visitors like:

How to relax after chewing over important issues.

How stretching can relieve tension

How taking a break to play a little makes the day go faster

How it's okay to sometimes hang back and let someone else be in the limelight

For all these reasons and more, we think taking your dog to work is a great idea.  We just think you could stretch it to, say, all the time?

I sniffed out this story about how dogs were created.  Check it out at the Doggy World blog.  I give it four paws up and a Scooby Doo har-har!

The lump was about the size of a marble.  She had rolled on her back for her usual belly rub; a sign of her utter trust, security and happiness. There among the curly tufts, the hard, round lump reared its ugly head on her sternum.  My husband and I looked at each other and without a word, we knew that we were both thinking of Max.

He had been the same age as Amber is now when our groomer discovered the lump on his paw and once the lump was removed, it was not over.  When it was determined to be cancer, there was chemotherapy, more surgery and after effects.  Even though Max never acted like he had a bad day in his life, this was the beginning of a gradual decline over which we had no control.

Amber resting after surgery

I took Amber to the vet the next day and the day after she underwent surgery. We won’t know the results of the pathology report for 5 days and since there’s a holiday weekend in there, we probably won’t know for more than week.   The wait is hard, but the lump is gone from her chest.  Now it’s in my throat.

As a mom of a 16-year-old son, I know how challenging it can be to motivate a teen and I’m always looking for resources to help me.  That’s why I was delighted to learn about Justin Sachs who is the author of a new book, Your Mailbox Is Full and is the founder of the Creating Possibilities Coaching Program. To keep a positive attitude, I sometimes look at the end of the leash and sometimes I look for people like Justin Sachs.  Here is my interview with him.  To read my answers to the same questions, visit Justin’s blog.

1. What do you do? I work with teenagers to increase their grades, eliminate procrastination, create balance in their lives, and overcome any obstacles standing in their way of success.
2. Tell us about your new book. Your Mailbox Is Full is a book for teenagers, that teaches them the tools they need to become successful in school and throughout their lives. They learn things like goal setting, time management, living a healthy lifestyle, and modeling and attracting success.
3. Why did you write it? When I was 14 years old I went to my first Tony Robbins Seminar and I was in a room full of thousands of adults thinking, “Where’s all the teenagers?” “Why aren’t other youth here getting these powerful tools and strategies?” It was with that realization that I found my passion: Empowering teenagers with life-skills and leadership development tools for success. That’s what my book is all about: Teaching youth the most powerful skills they need to know to create enormous success and fulfillment in life! Now, teenagers don’t have to wait until they are 30 or 40 to get these tools and strategies, they are available to them within Your Mailbox Is Full.
4. What makes you an expert in your field? After going to Anthony Robbins seminars for 3 years, I began working for his product sales team and non-profit organization at all his events worldwide.  I then began working for Mark Victor Hansen, the co-founder of Chicken Soup for the Soul Series, and learned even more about life-skills, writing a book, and supporting people in bringing possibility into their lives. I then read everything I could get my hands on from The Secret, to Jack Canfield, to Stephen Covey, to Eckart Tolle, among many others. I learned everything I possibly could about personal development and transformation such that I can now create transformation in others!
   
5. What type of people should read your book? The book is designed for teenagers and young adults, but parents throughout the country are reading the book and loving every page! The contents of the book are limitless, this is the perfect book for anyone looking to take their lives to the next level, especially youth!
6. Are you on any social networks? Eg. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn Yes, on www.Twitter.com/JustinSachs or http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=511068642
7. Advice for Teens or Parents of Teens Follow your passions and never give up on your dreams! If you have a goal, a vision, or a hope for the future, hold on to it, focus on it, and take action to make it happen! You’ll be amazed at how quickly your dreams will manifest themselves when energy is focused on them.
8. Favorite Quote Every day, every week and every month, you must challenge yourself to continue to grow to new heights and to take your standards to higher and higher levels. ~ Justin Sachs
9. Favorite Theme Park Walt Disney World of course!!!
10. How can we purchase your book? Learn more about you? Do you have a blog? My book is available on my website: www.YourMailboxIsFullBook.com To learn more about my coaching services visit www.MotivateYourTeen.com be sure to check out my new radio show at www.MotivationalMindsRadio.com

For those you who have followed the column written by E. J. Montini of the Arizona Republic over the years, you know that his point-of-view has often sparked some controversy.  For me, I tend to agree with him more often than not and today’s column, “Dog is politicians’ best guide through life” just proves how insightful he is.  In his article, he quotes Cesar Milan’s advice to the Obamas to establish themselves as “pack leaders” and take a leadership role with the new 1st pup, Bo.  As Montini points out, “He couldn’t have given worse advice. You don’t teach dogs; you learn from them.”

When Max and I wrote our book, Life to the Max, that was one of the main points we tried to convey–our teachers in life can come in some surprising forms and can even be the one at the end of the leash! It is so easy to get caught up in our human dramas and lose our perspective, but as one of our reviewers wrote, “Life to the Max reminds us of the joys of life and who or what matters in life.”  Montini echoed this sentiment when he wrote, “Professional demands and petty desires cause each of us - politician or not - to lose sight of what is important.  That’s when it’s most valuable to take hold of a dog’s leash and head outside. Not to lead, but to be guided.”

I wonder if Montini read our book?  Read Montini’s entire column.

In anticipation of Earth Day tomorrow, there has been a lot of buzz this week about ways to go green. You already know that you can reduce waste by changing light bulbs to longer-lasting, more energy-efficient CFL’s.  You can reuse plastic containers rather than using disposable plastic bags.  You are also probably an old hand at recycling old newspapers, glass and cans.

When it comes to a adding a new pet to the household, you have another opportunity to apply the 3 R’s in one more way.  It starts with:

Rescue. If you’re worried that a rescue won’t bond to you, you shouldn’t. After all, this is an animal that has been in some way disappointed by another human. Given the chance, this pet will do everything in its power not to disappoint you and make sure you don’t disappear like the previous owner.

When we rescued our Airedale Terrier, Max, he immediately interjected himself into everything we did.  We have pictures from birthdays, holidays and other family events where he is ever present even if it is only a head, tail or paw.  Rescues are profoundly loyal and loving.

Reduce. Whether poor shelter management or irresponsible owners coupled with a lack of qualified homes for homeless pets is the primary cause of pet euthanasia in this country is a matter of some debate in the animal community.  Regardless of the position you take, pet euthanasia of healthy, adoptable pets is a real problem in this country.  The Humane Society of the United States estimates that between six to eight million dogs and cats are turned into shelters each year and that over half of that population is euthanized annually.  When you make a commitment to rescue and neuter your pet, you make a real impact on reducing pet euthanasia.

When we were in the process of adopting Max, we had to go through the kennels at the local animal control center.  It broke my heart to see not only so many healthy, happy dogs begging for a forever family, but especially to see a homeless mother nursing a litter of 8 tiny pups.  The intake officer told us that a family had dropped the litter off earlier after their children had been “able to witness the miracle of birth.” The officer had been polite enough not to ask if they now wanted to witness the phenomenon of death. Really, shouldn’t some people be neutered?

Renew. When you rescue an animal, you have renewed a life and I think the pet knows it.  With Max, we were always impressed that no matter what life handed him, he was always happy.  It’s like he knew he had gotten a second chance at life and he was going to make the most of every minute.

Contrary to popular belief, dogs and cats who come into rescue are not all wild, sick or abused.  For example, currently more animals are being turned into shelters because of the economic downturn and rising foreclosures. Usually a little older, these pets are often calmer, more focused when it comes to obedience training and many are already housetrained.

So when you’re ready to add a new pet to your household, consider going green with the 3 R’s-rescue, reduce, renew. No doubt there’s a pet out there looking for greener pastures.